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Security is a real pressure cooker

April 17, 2013 - Paul Giannamore
If you even remotely have been tempted ever to own a pressure cooker to make that osso bucco just a little more tender, buy it.

Today.

Because soon you will be subjected to triple screening, the need to provide proof of citizenship, a driver’s license, a photo of your pet and a note from your mom to buy one.

Investigators say the Boston Marathon bombs were made in part out of ordinary 6-qt. kitchen pressure cookers. I have no idea how that works, but I assume a pressure cooker is a convenient, cheap pressure-sealed bomb vessel.

I do know that I cannot wear my shoes getting through an airline security checkpoint, thanks to the Shoe Bomber. I know I may get naked X-rayed thanks to the Underwear Bomber. I cannot conveniently buy sinus medicine containing pseudoephedrine, thanks to the Meth Lab Guys.

And so on.

So, in the latest need to protect ourselves thanks to the diabolical minds of bombers and druggies, we will soon be forced to confront the evils of the pressure cooker.

I’m not saying there is anything wrong with being protective of sinus medicine, or taking off shoes or having my Hanes X-rayed for the privilege of getting to an airline gate. There won’t be anything wrong with people looking at us askance if we buy a pressure cooker, either.

Because that is the world we live in.

I read a story the other day that an Israeli woman said you get used to the concept that you have to open your car trunk before being allowed to enter a parking garage, and that you might be stopped and searched in the course of your travels during the day. Israel is surrounded by people who don’t want there to be an Israel, after all.

But in the American world, it’s different. Even as the Senate was poised today to send down to defeat any meaningful discussion of even the slightest attempt to maybe keep some guns out of the hands of the mentally challenged (oops, AP, there’s a label), there surely will be an anti-pressure cooker bill floating somewhere soon. And either as law or as Homeland Security Policy, that pressure-cooker protection will be enacted.

Could it be because there is not a National Pressure Cooker Alliance funding Congressional campaigns?

Perish the thought. And put down that shampoo before you get on board that airplane, oh barefoot passenger. And remember, if you happen to be carrying your fairway woods and a hockey stick, well, those are all aces for the overhead baggage compartment. After all, we’ve got to preserve freedom while securing ourselves.

 
 

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